I don't believe for one moment that the other side is going to be nice, co-operative, or even particularly honest, so how does mediation work?

Mediators know that real people, particularly when under the stress of conflict, can be emotional, irrational, unreasonable, selfish, fearful, manipulative and deceitful, and that above almost anything else they want vindication of their position.  That's accepted by the mediator without judgment, together with the contradictory knowledge that people do not always demonstrate all or any of this behaviour, and that they can also be logical, altruistic, fair, reasonable and capable of rational and reasoned decision-making.  The Mediator's art lies in the management of real people, in real conflict.

People in conflict rarely think of settlement first, they think of winning and using lawyers to achieve that result. Whilst negotiating a settlement might make objective sense, the mere suggestion of settlement rather than total victory is seen as a sign of weakness, a lack of resolve or abdication of moral principles.  The pursuit of 'justice' becomes a cause in itself, far removed from the commercial realities of the case, often blind to the weaknesses that will be exposed at trial, and frequently exacerbated by the demonisation of the other party once insulated from direct communication with them.

The Mediator does not expect parties to arrive at the mediation trusting each other, or even trusting the Mediator to start with. Mediators know that real people can be difficult. Many people are afraid of being conned, of doing a deal that is not good for them, or giving away information that the other party will just use against them later. One of the Mediator's first tasks is to demonstrate to the parties that they are not at any disadvantage either in the mediation or as a result of it. It is part of the Mediator's task to create an environment in which the parties feel safe enough to actually start to look at the facts, weigh them up, and make decisions based on commercial factors, not anger, fear or mistrust.